Not Alone

I've never lived in a city before without being in a college campus bubble. Living in such a sprawling city is daunting at times, yet exciting, and after having lived here for over a year now, I'd say I know my way around pretty well. I've walked all over the streets of central and downtown El Paso. I know the bus routes to get me to the places I frequent. I've made acquaintances of hotel workers, cashiers, security guards, bus drivers, and neighbours. But even with these people that I know, sometimes I feel alone in the middle of this big city. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I made myself scarce for a while. How long would it take people to realize? I wonder how many others feel the same way. And what can I do to make a difference? How can one person change anything?

Well, I found out the other day. I was on my way to a friend's house, and was waiting by the bus stop. There was still a good 15 minutes time till the next bus came, so I made myself comfortable on the ground a short way from the stop and pulled out my guitar to help the time go faster. As others trickled towards the stop, one man came my way, and using music as a conversation starter, he started asking questions and telling stories about his cat. He seemed content to talk, paying no attention to if I answered his questions or not, so I let him ramble on while I continued to watch the traffic and the people around. As the light turned red, one car pulled up near the bus stop. The woman inside rolled down the window, waved to get my attention, then gave me the 'all clear?' sign, as if asking if I was ok. I quickly affirmed that I was ok, and she drove off to wherever her life was taking her. I don't know her, we never even exchanged words, yet in those five seconds and with that one motion she let me know that she was watching out for me. God reminded me that I was not alone.

That is what I can do to make others know that they are not alone. I can care about the lives of those around me. I can let God's love overflow to touch the people I pass in the streets. I don't need to get to know people in order for them to know they are cared for, I just need to keep my eyes open.

Just Another Day

Today is one of those days: a day busy with appointments, a night long with labour, and a morning filled with baby footprints and fresh biscuits.  It's a day of loss. A day of death. A day of beginnings. A day of life. A day of healing.
For one mother, the loss is that of the freedom that comes before children. For another, it is that of her yet-unborn child. For the other it is the sacrifice of a job and a lifestyle for the return blessing of a growing  family. For one, it is just the beginning of the process of pain and grief. For another, it is the rejoicing of new life, and the healing of old wounds.
And for me, it's just one more day in the life of a midwife.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.

~Romans 12:16-17

The Current Normal

After a year of doing the same thing at clinic every shift, there has been a change. The new students arrived a month ago, and, on the 21st of September, they started work in the clinic. Being new, they have lots of questions, and need quite a bit of help; so keep everyone else from going crazy trying to do their job and help the students acclimatize to life in the clinic, they've asked a couple of us 'older' students to come in on our days of to be there specifically for the new students. This means that I've had the opportunity to come in a couple of times for 12 hour shifts (only 12 hours!!) to help the new students get into the flow of things. It has been such a good change to be in the clinic, to be working, but to be working directly with the students instead of the clients. This experience has reminded me how much I enjoy working with the clients, but it has also given me a chance to better know the new students and influence them, teaching them to work as a team and look out for each other. It has been teaching me the importance of not letting others look down on me because of my age, but to set an example in my speech, my work, my life, my love, and my faith. 

*Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12

The Beauty in Reality

I have been in this program for a year. Last Saturday we had a graduation ceremony in celebration of all the students who are now on their way to their next phases of life. This time of celebration brought with it a big reality check. This year has been a tough year. It's been a good year, filled with learning, but it's been a really tough year. Just looking at what has gone on in clinic, this year has consisted of:

-over 2,900 clinical hours individually

-over 600 class hours 

-over 500 births as a class

-over a hundred sleepless nights

-thousands of loads of dirty laundry

-millions of pages of paperwork

Yet even with the grueling schedule, lack of sleep, and over-all difficult year, one of my classmates whose memory works in snapshots reminded us of the the good times midst the hardness: of times we came out of a water birth soaked to the bone and doubled over with laughter; of blowing kisses at each other while cleaning clots out of drains and rinsing off moms; of joyous melodies wafting out of the backyard shack where someone must be scrubbing blood, guts, grit and grime out of the sheets; of stories shared and hearts heard while dosing off in between births; of midnight baking parties while a mom's birth process is going slowly; of hard times where a simple touch brings torrents of tears; of the stillness and serenity of the deep darkness that comes before the morning; and, always, of the hope that comes with the first rays of morning light and a new day: a reminder of the beauty of life in the trenches. 

Downpour

So much for living in a desert. These past days have been filled with spatterings of rain, and today it has been steadily raining all day. The streets are flooded, the sewer systems are overflowing, and our leaking ceiling is starting to cause chunks of paint and particulate matter to be raining down on the containers spread out on the floor. One of the good things about this leaking water is that our floors are now totally clean. After having survived a couple of months without being washed, they are no longer in need of cleaning :)

General News

Hey there,

Life's been a busy mess lately. In these past couple of weeks since the last post, I've enjoyed the serenity and simplicity of living alone, and now I have roommates. The house is full once again, and the people living in my home are as diverse as the places they come from. I now have roommates from central Texas, New Mexico, and Washington. Along with their moving in, I've been asked to help teach some of their classes, and coordinate their first 24 hour shifts in the clinic to make their transition a bit smoother. Needless to say, that, together with the final exam next week, is keeping me quite busy, busy enough to actually have forgotten for a couple of days that I have a blog.

But not all I do is business. Today, as the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon, I took the time to run out to the mountain and watch it until it was well established in the sky. This evening I'm taking a break from the studies to go to a potluck to welcome the new students. I was also invited to go see a movie in the canyon, but I think sleep is more important at the moment, so I'm skipping out on that.

So life goes on. Beautiful. Busy. Bountiful.

Pain

The other day I was out in my yard, digging and pulling, sweeping and watering. I was feeling tired, but accomplished, when I felt a twinge of pain between my toes. Thinking it was just an ant, I reached down to wipe it off and squish it to death, and instead I got a thistle stuck in my finger.

It made me think. I was reacting as if to an ant biting me, when it was just a thistle. I ended up in pain, when I could have instead assessed the situation and reacted in a way to take care of it easily and painlessly. How often do I react to people based on the immediate feeling I get instead of taking the time to actually see them and see their needs and where they are coming from. How often to I end up getting hurt because I've reacted to someone based on perception and prejudice instead of seeing the person for who they are and what they're going through.