Just Another Day

As you can tell by my lack of a post on Chrsitmas Day, life at the clinic isn't super exciting, even if it's Christmas. Thanks to all the family gatherings the day was a slow one, giving me enough time to watch the Sound of Music. The night was a different story. A lot of women came in stating contractions, hoping to have their baby before the day was out. But alas, there was only one birth on Christmas day.

But, even with being far away from home, I did get a Christmas package! And guess what it was!
That's right, I got socks! Just what I had wanted...no really, it's true.

The thing is, these days I use socks every day. Working in a clinic, closed toed shoes are mandatory, so socks are kind of a necessity. Now, those of you who know me, might know that brown is one of my favourite colours to wear (it comes right behind blue). This means that my brown socks having been getting a workout. It turns out that the soles of my brown socks have been running a little thin as of late, and the day I got those beautiful new brown socks from my dear mother, I took of my shoes at the end of the day to discover that my old socks had finally worn right through.
Between the intuition of a mother and the all-seeing eyes of God, the timing was impeccable!

Joy Comes in the Morning

I was on shift yesterday. After a long day of appointments, the night saw us in the clinic, not sleeping like normal people, but working. 

During the night mother after mother came, stating contractions, stating that her water had broken, needing a room because the baby was coming NOW. It was a night of births, only 4, but for a house that has only three rooms, that's a lot. It was a night of endless laundry and cleaning, a night of setting up this room, taking that one down, sending that mother home to rest and relax, welcoming this baby into the world, and helping the other mom get more comfortable. It was a night of checking vitals every hour, listening to heart tones, monitoring contractions, and grabbing bites of the cake left on the counter. It was a night of hard work, for both us and the moms. It was a night of disappointment for those we had to transfer to the hospital, and a night of joy for those families who could finally hold their child, their nephew, their sister in their arms. It was a long night. It was a sleepless night. And as the rays of sunrise flamed across the sky and the new troops started coming in to take over, it proved to me once again that joy does come in the morning. 

General News

I just realized that I haven't been writing for a whole week now. Since I don't have anything of particular importance to share, I think I'll just share with you what my week has been like...if I can remember it all.

If the week starts on Sunday, then I started off my week with work. I got to the clinic a 7:30 in the morning, and started shift at 8. Sundays are busy days, as they are the days that everyone else has off. I spent the day doing prenatal appointments, talking with the moms-to-be, listening to their concerns and discomforts, and giving recommendations about things that four months ago I had never even heard about. I also got to do some postpartum appointments, looking at the mom's general health and recuperation, weighing, watching, and listening to the baby, and answering any questions or concerns.
I can't remember if the night was busy or not, so I'm assuming I spent most of it sleeping.

Monday morning I got off work at 8 in the morning, and stayed at the school to finish up some homework and tally up numbers. I had class in the afternoon; then made my way up to the top of a hill to watch the sunset before heading home and dropping into bed.

Tuesday morning I woke up early to do my laundry and had it all hanging on the line before I headed off to my end of quarter evaluation with the academic director. The end result: I'm still in the program! I stayed over at the clinic helping answer phones until lunch, when I biked home to take care of my laundry. Then I peddled back to the school for birth talk class in the afternoon (a class where we debrief births that we've been a part of). In the evening I again went to watch the sunset before racing home to do some cleaning and baking before our potluck/party started. I enjoyed talking to the people that came, and reading stories to the kids that were running around. Then I excused myself so I could be in bed by ten.

Wednesday I was back at the clinic by 7 in the morning. I spent all day hopping from appointment to appointment. The older students had class in the morning, so that left only us new students in the clinic. Needless to say, we had a busy morning, and after lunch was about the same. After cleaning the clinic together in the evening, I was in bed long enough to fall asleep when the doorbell rang. I took care of the client and admitted her before passing her vital rounds off the the student in charge. Then I went back to bed for a couple more hours before getting up again to check out and admit another young lady.

Thursday: Since I was up already, I mixed together a batch of schnetke for a snack. I had just gotten them out of the oven when 'birth team' was called. Since I was doc, I ran into the room (it was 7:30am by this time) to write down everything necessary, and was out of the room by 8:00am just in time to get off shift and hand over to the new troops. I stuck around a bit more to help fill out the postpartum paper work, then went home to change and eat. On my way home, there was a truck that was moving a bed. Right before we passed, the wind picked up the mattress and dropped it down onto the street. The look on the drivers face was priceless!  I was back to the school an hour later to help decorate for a retirement party we'll be having tomorrow. I helped out until class time, and after class I had some time to breathe as I walked to church, watching the sun set, and enjoying the fresh air. Waiting for music practice to start, I got to have a long chat with my parents. It was so nice to catch up with them.

Today, Friday, I went to a solstice gathering at the school in the morning, just to see what it was like...and to eat the free breakfast! I stopped in at a friends house, and we chatted and relaxed over a cup of tea before I moved on to the library to catch up a bit on emails, do some homework, and write this blog. :)

Now it is time for me to go home and go to bed, because tomorrow is another day on the job.

Writing it all out makes me see that there is a lot that I do in a week, but I am thankful to God that I love my job, and I love my life. What a blessing it is.

Homelessness

I was at the clinic last night, and since there was a momentary lull in the action between the day's appointments and whatever the night had in store for us, I decided to grab some down time while I could. My duty for the night would be to answer all phone calls and take care of all women who knocked on our door in labour, so I was heading to the front room to be close to the door when I heard it. At first I mistook it for someone swaying back and forth on the creaky floor upstairs, but then I realized what it was. Snoring. 

Now I'm the type of person who can sleep through anything if I have to (which is terrible when I'm supposed to be answering the door), but I had never heard such a racket in the clinic before and wondered who it could be. There was no one in the room beside mine, and the noise wasn't coming from upstairs. Looking around for other possibilities I noticed the windows. Creeping over to the nearest one, I peered through the slats into the night outside. It took my eyes a couple of seconds to adjust, but when they did they saw a street empty except for one car meandering around the block, they saw the new Christmas decorations across the way, and looking down, they saw a pair of legs sprawled across the bench on the front porch. 

I admit. That wasn't exactly what I was expecting to see, but then again, I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see. Getting the first-up midwife, I watched as she politely but firmly woke up the two men and made it clear that they were not welcome on the porch. Back inside, I watched through the slats as the men stumbled down the road. And as I watched, I wondered where they would end up spending the night and if there was anything I could have done for them. 

How do I show Jesus' love to the least of these?

The Library

I love libraries. They are full of information and adventures, crannies and nooks to hide in while reading or studying, and they have internet access...free internet access. 

The main library in El Paso is a mere 15 blocks from my place, so I've made a habit of spending a couple of hours a month there. While these hours are usually around the time that a research project is due, today I came here for the internet, so I could make some phone calls and skype with friends. The library is spacious, with a main area, computer lab, and art display on the first floor, Spanish section downstairs, teen and kids books upstairs, and every once in a while I'll hear an announcement about which movie is next in the free theater (I have yet to see or find out where the theater is, but I'm sure it's in the building somewhere). 

As the library only opens at ten in the morning, I've often gotten here before the doors open without realizing the time. Every morning it seems as though a small crowd gathers outside the doors on the benches and structures. The conversations I've overheard as I wait range from where to get weed, to how to give stitches. There are people from med school, and people on parole, moms with their children, homeless people trailed by their cart of belongings, and this morning there was a drunk. 

I got to the library half an hour early this morning, having failed to get a good connection at the coffee shop. When I arrived, there was a man eating his breakfast and feeding the flock of pigeons, a mother pacing with a stroller, and an older man hunched over on a bench. I took a seat in the sun on a ledge by the stairs, enjoying a warmth and the fresh air. A young man sauntered up and stood staring absentmindedly at the pigeons. He was followed shortly by his friend, and they stood there listening to music and throwing out the intermittent comment. The young mom walked off to the other side of the block, and she was passed by an middle-aged man weaving up the walk. The man came straight toward me, stuck out his hand, and introduced himself as Chris. He told me we had met before, and asked if I was ok before turning around and heading over to talk with the young men on the other side of the walk. I was surprised by his greeting, slightly overwhelmed by the alcohol on his breath; and I was glad he had moved on to talk to the others. No one had talked to me at the library other than Albert, the older security guard, and I wasn't sure how to take this encounter. 

As I was wondering what had just happened, the man finished greeting the others and turned my direction. Leaning against the ledge beside me, Chris proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes asking me questions, telling me not to call him sir, and trying to find every way to compliment me and find similarities in interests all the while assuring me that he wasn't hitting on me. Thankfully for me, I also have the ability to ask questions and make conversation without saying much myself, so I enjoyed the challenge of it (don't worry mom, there were lots of people around us, it was bright outside, and the man learnt quickly that I did not like any more contact than a handshake). 

Though I felt relieved when the library doors finally opened, looking back on it, I wonder if there could have been any way to somehow communicate God's love to this man. Or maybe by just taking the time to take an interest in his life (even if just to direct his attention away from asking me questions) he was able to find a bit of hope. 

One thing I'll take away from it though, the people who hang out before library hours are pretty cool. I could tell that they were watching to see what would happen as this man approached me and they seemed as uncomfortable with the situation as I felt. And when another guy showed up, he seemed to assess the situation, and he joined our conversation, introducing himself as Zach, and he kept the man's attention until the library opened. 

Looking back, though it was uncomfortable, God was watching out for me not only in keeping me protected, but also giving me an 'in' with this group of people who I've been around but never had excuse to talk to before. 

Music to my Ears

I biked to the store today to pick up some baking and eating supplies. I was taking my time getting home, pushing my bike up the hills and enjoying the feeling of freedom to be running around the city basking in the early morning sun when I heard it.
Being in a city, I'm used to hearing a lot of things on the streets here: honking, barking, yelling, whistling, blaring radios, revving engines, squealing brakes. At first this sounded like a radio, but as I kept walking and listening I realized what it was, and turning around, I spotted him in the distance. A block behind me I could see a young man walking along, guitar in hand, playing and singing at the top of his lungs. While it might not have been the most musical music coming from his mouth, it was definitely the most passionate bittersweet singing I have heard on the streets here.
I continued on my way with a smile on my face, enjoying the unique situation for a couple more blocks before turning the corner.

Desert Colours

This morning a friend and I hit the road to find a place to run up the side of the mountain. We made it to a trail head, ditched the car, and spend the whole morning wandering around the desert mountain, exploring the unique beauty of the flora and fauna. There are so many different types of cacti, and so many different thorns to step on. And then there are the little splashes of purple and yellow as flowers bloom in the cracks and crevices of the rocks. The thing that got my attention though was the moss. On what appeared to be the smooth surfaces of rock, this little fuzzy plant would find a way to grow, and the colour it emitted was that of neon green! Living in the midst of the desert, I was surprised by the presence of such vibrant colour and life.

Smile

Today, in exchange for a smile, I got a feast!

Every once in a while I like to go back to the first home I had here in El Paso. Today is one of those days. I wanted to use the internet and see some old friends, so I headed over to the hotel right after church. On entering, I greeted the guy behind the desk, asking if it was ok if I took over my usual corner. He was on the phone, so he gave me a quick thumbs up. Sitting down and setting up my stuff, I saw the man I mentioned HERE, and started smiling just thinking about our last conversation. He looked up to see me smiling, and broke into a grin himself, asking me what I was smiling for. He then introduced himself as "T", asking me if he could get me anything: yogurt? cereal? waffles? bagel?   I asked him what the kindness was for, and the only explanation I got was that I was smiling.

Knowing that all I had brought was a granola bar, I accepted the offer and ended up with a toasted bagel topped with cream cheese, some water, and some chips. 

T's advice for me today: Missi, you betta watch yo back. 'cauz if'n you don watch i', you's a gunna end up with a back like mine here. You take care o' yo back. you watch out fo' it, you hear? 

So watch your back everyone :)

Are You Squeamish?

I enjoy listening to stories, especially when the story-teller creates a story in such a way that it feels like it were happening right at that moment. I don't know about for you, but there are some things that don't need a good story teller in order for me to feel the story. Stories of miracles make my heart dance. Stories of worms make my stomach churn. Stories of lice make my head itch. 

In an earlier post I was telling you about the pantry in my house and my discovery that a lot of the food was unclaimed. Well, the other day I was making something with an egg, and I wanted to stretch it, so I decided to add a bit of flour. Taking out a leftover bag of flour, I took a partial cup of it and was about to dump it into the bowl when I saw it. Subtle, yes; but one of the mounds in the flour moved. Taking out a sieve, I let the flour fall through, and, when all was said and done, there lay three little bugs, writhing in the bottom of the sieve. ...

What was I supposed to do? 

After a short time of contemplation, I ate my supper, trying not to think of the bug eggs that might still be in it, then made a mental note to freeze any flour I would buy in the future. 

Food

Do you have something in life that you absolutely have to have? something that you can’t live without? something that takes your attention?

One focal area in my life is food. I have a love/hate relationship with food. I know that I need food to stay alive, but I don’t always feel like it is a great use of money to go spend it all on food. It hasn’t really been on my list of prayer requests, but in these past months I’ve seen God’s provision again and again, through generous donations, friends asking me to house sit and eat their perishables, co-workers bringing their food when they go on cleanses, and just the other day, I looked in the back-yard, saw that the garden was ripe for harvest, and there is now an abundant supply of tomatoes and peppers in my freezer. My latest food encounter: baking supplies. I had given an open invitation to a friend to come over for some homemade bread, but baking supplies had never been on my shopping list. The other day, as I was trying to clean up part of the pantry, I was asking about a shelf of food that seemed forgotten, and it turns out it was. Some of the past house dwellers left their baking supplies behind as they went on to seek their future. So I now have FOUR shelves of random baking supplies and non-perishables at my whim and fancy. God has a way of surprising me in ways I least expect. J

Prayer

I was out in the garden today, picking containers full of tomatoes, peppers and egg plant before anything freezes. As I was making my way inside with my treasures, I almost stepped on this little guy:

Isn't God so creative?! For me it was just a little something to remind me to keep my line with God open. I mean, if a bug can look like he's praying all the time, I can at least let him be a reminder for me to pray. :)

Coldness

For those of you up north who are dealing with snow storms, I will make a confession. I have acclimatized to the weather down here. Or in other words, I'm a wimp when it comes to dropping temperatures. 

I woke up this morning, half in my sleeping bag, and half frozen. I lay there for a long time, not wanting to move lest I let some of my precious body heat escape. I finally came to my senses enough to realize that if I didn't move, my situation would just continue to worsen, and I would get colder and colder until I'd eventually get up anyway or succumb to the cold and freeze to death (I've heard that when you freeze to death, when you get to the end, you don't even realize you're cold). Listening to reason, I sat up, jumped out of bed, and immediately started doing jumping jacks, which transitioned into high stepping, sit-ups, and finally push ups. I'm not normally this ambitious in the mornings, in fact, I haven't done exercises in the morning for months now, but once I was through with them, I was warmed up and ready to face the day. 

Now, if I think of this scenario in a different light, I see it's the same way in my relationship with God. If I just lie immobile, without making any effort to practice what I believe, I will get colder and colder (less and less responsive) until I don't even realize what state I am in. If I want my situation to keep from worsening, I need to jump out of my immobility and start exercising my faith and faithfulness.

Now, just to keep this all in perspective, I just checked the temperature outside, and it's only 2*C out there, still WAY above freezing :)

Darkness

A couple of weeks ago, my car died. After so many years of faithful service to our family, I buy her, and she dies. The problem, thanks to a diagnosis from a mechanic in the church, was the starter.
This slight hiccup didn't throw my life into chaos (in fact it was through this that I now have a bike); but for my job, and also for the rate of my life, a car is sometimes necessary. I checked out different mechanics and their prices, and decided on one. Then, early one morning before I went to work, I prayed really hard and went outside. I hit the starter as hard as I dared with a metal rod that happened to be in my trunk and went to try starting her. The car vroom-ed to life, and I made my way to the mechanic shop.
I got to my destination, parked the car, and left a note on the steering wheel since the shop wasn't open yet. With everything in place, I hopped out of the car, wrapped my scarf around my head to keep warm, and I started off.

Having the tendency to sometimes display characteristics of my father (such as his timing), I had timed my morning perfectly, so that I'd have enough time to go there, walk back home, and pack up before biking off to work (and I'd still get there before anyone else), but what I hadn't taken into consideration was the sun. Just because I was up and running around the city, that didn't mean that the sun was going to change its schedule for me. Though I thought it would be up already, since it usually was starting to shine at this time, it evidently didn't take my expectations into consideration.
I knew my way home perfectly well, but somehow the darkness changed my state of mind from confident to wary, and even a bit jumpy. Finally, wondering what was taking the sun so long, I turned around and was faced with the most glorious sunrise lighting up the sky. Knowing that the day was coming, I turned my face toward home, looked at the black sky with starts still twinkling, and I went on my way without fear.
That just goes to remind me that, even in the hardest times when hope is hard to find and darkness seems to suffocate, I only have to shift my gaze and I will see the light.

The Unexpected

I'm used to getting answers from my parents. When I used to ask them to borrow the car, the answer would be "is your room clean?" When I'd ask who'd pay for gas, there'd be a reminder that I too had a job. ...the point is, when I asked a question, there would be an answer. I didn't just ask a question then walk away because the answer was slow in coming. I'd wait. I know my parents well enough to know that as long as they hear the question, there will be an answer...unless the question is shouted from the other floor of the house. Then there is be a pause long enough for me to understand that I need to go to where they were before the answer would come. 

Why does it seem so easy to expect answers from my parents, but then when I ask questions from God it usually takes intentionallity and self reminders to wait in expectation for an answer? How is it that I can ask a question of God, then, without even pausing, my brain is already on to something else, having forgotten for the moment the conversation it had started. How can I accuse God of not speaking to me when I don't stick around to listen? If somebody asked me an earnest question, then started talking about this, that, or the other thing without giving me time to answer, I just wouldn't answer. I would keep quiet until they took time to listen. 

...for the past couple of weeks I've been praying for a musical outlet; more specifically, a place where I can play piano or tinker around on a guitar free of charge. In the beginning I'd asked around a bit, but no one at work seemed to know of any place. In spite of that, God happened to know how to get these things. Though  I tried to expect Him to answer, I know sometimes what I ask for isn't what's best for me, so I also tried to be realistic. 

First came the guitar. One of my roommates pulled out her guitar for a bit, and she must have noticed me looking at it, because she quickly offered that whenever I wanted I could use it.  Then, after music practice on Thursday, the leader mentioned that I should take the keyboard home with me in between practices...

That just goes to show that if we "know how to give good gifts [and answers] to our children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matt 7:11) 

Perspective

Have you ever had a time in life where your only mode of transportation is your own body? Where, if you want to go anywhere you have to be relying on your legs? 

That is no longer me. I now have a bike! And let me tell you, having my primary mode of transportation switch from walking to biking has made this city seem so much smaller! Now, instead of having to leave the coffee shop more than an hour before the start of class in order to insure I get there in time, I'm thinking that twenty minutes will suffice, maybe less seeing as it's all downhill. 

Oh yeah. In case you haven't heard, there is a mountain in the middle of El Paso. This means that whichever direction you go, you are either heading uphill or downhill. I'm not used to this. I'm a prairie girl, used to being able to ride for miles without worrying about gravity's effect on my riding time. Now here I am, trying to ride bike in a city of slopes and slants. None of my previous experiences prepared me for this. I am used to being able to get from point A to point B the way I want in the time I plan for. My ride this morning did not reflect this. I left my home with the expectation of having a nice relaxing bike ride to the coffee shop. What actually occurred was that I had a nice bike ride to the main road, and then, as I turned towards the shop, and also the mountain, I was forced to hop off my bike to keep from rolling backwards down the hill. After a half hour of walking, pushing my bike up ahead of me, I arrived at my destination, tired, drenched with sweat, and ready to drop. I felt a bit like I had failed. I had planned to bike this morning and ended up walking. But in the end I did reach the destination, even if it wasn't totally as planned.

How often do I fall into this trap in life? Even in getting to El Paso. I knew that my end destination was to get to midwifery school. I had it all planned out how things were going to go: I'd finish my anatomy & physiology course over the summer and ace it, I'd work hard all winter to get enough money, then I'd head out in March so that I could be done the program sooner. ...what actually happened: I took all summer, and all winter, and part of spring to finish my a&p course and I almost failed it, I worked all winter and summer and still didn't make enough for my peace of mind, and I started in September, six months after I had planned to. 

Though in the moment I had been discouraged that I hadn't lived up to my own expectations, now that I am here and experiencing it, I can see that I needed that extra 6 months to prepare, and I'm so grateful that I am able to be studying with the people I am. So how will I react in the future? Will I be discouraged, or will I have patience and see how God is going to work it out for good? 

Coincidence?

I went to the library today with the expectation of just checking for some emails, and maybe finding a book. I ended up feeling like doing some homework, so I quickly looked for a place to set up shop and spotted the perfect place: a comfortable chair, close to a plug in, table attached. As I made my way toward the chair, I noticed a young man walking towards it as well. I slowed down, thinking I had lost the spot, but he only dropped a pencil on the table and went on his way. Sitting down at the table I pulled out my laptop and my flash cards, but I just couldn't seem to find a pen in my backpack, only the pencil that had been left. ...how surprisingly amazing it is to have Someone looking out for me.

Life

Life.

It can be found in the most unexpected of places. On my walk to class, I marvel at the array of vegetation in the forgotten places where water sits for days after rain while the rest of the city, though taken care of, could not easily be described in any way as green.

When walking through the city, I've noticed that life seems to thrive in the midst of challenges and adversity. In my observations I have seen stark contrasts between the different parts of the city. I went to visit some friends in the new upper-class area of the city the other day. There were beautiful walking paths, grassy parks, and creatively built playgrounds. It was an ideal place to live. Yet I saw not a soul outside. Through the windows of the houses I could see flat screen TVs and the glow of computers. In the area of town I'm in at the moment, more middle-class, I see the odd person walking quickly to or from some seemingly important business. Yet the area of town I walked through this morning, a place that looks like the slums you see in the movies, there were kids outside running through the broken glass playing tag. I passed by a place called the Boom Box, and there was a crowd of young people on the lot teaching each other some version of street dance. People looked each other in the eyes and greeted one another. In the midst of the deteriorating scenery there was a sense of community. In spite (or some might say because) of the use needles lying around, the broken fences, and cracking streets there seemed to be a spark of joy and expectancy in the air. So may I thank God in adversity, and may He use it in my journey to bring life and joy.

Deals

I was at the store yesterday, Albertson's it's called. They have this deal called the 10 for $10. Now I only had $10 left in my allotment for food for the month, so I thought this would be perfect. I could get ten things that all looked like they could give me at least a day in meals, and I'd make it through (especially since I already have a ton of food at home).
I bee-lined to the soup area, since I've been craving something hot with all this cold weather we've been starting to have, and I looked through the different kinds of Campbell's that were on this sale. As I was browsing, I noticed that there were other soups, store brands, that weren't on sale, but they were $.69 and .$88 each. I didn't take much note of them, because I was deal shopping... but then I realized that I wasn't actually deal shopping, I was just looking for things that looked like a deal. I had so programmed my brain to look for sales that anything without that *sale* tag must not be worth considering. I ended up ditching the 10 for $10, since that was actually pretty expensive compared to other things that I was finding, but it made me think. What else am I doing in life, what or who else am I overlooking because they don't have the "right tag"?

Beans, beans, magical fruit...

I made some beans the other day. 

Since I like the overnight soaked refried beans, I started soaking them early Monday morning with plans of cooking them later that evening. Coincidentally, I got a call that morning asking me if there was any way I could take the shift of a fellow midwife who was sick. I eagerly took the opportunity, rushing to grab food, uniform and keys before racing out the door. The next morning, getting off of shift, I stayed at the clinic to work on some reports that I had missed, thinking I’d stay in the area until class that afternoon. Getting home after class, I walked into my room, and realized that I had forgotten about my beans. 

They had been sitting in the pot, soaking now for a day and a half, and when I opened the lid, a slightly interesting odor escaped, but I figured, why not finish making them? Draining the old water, I added new water and a bit of garlic. I put it on to boil, made sure it was safely simmering, then went to my room to read, setting my alarm for an hour. The next thing I know, I wake up in the middle of the night with this feeling that I forgot something. I stumble over to my open window, wondering why I hadn’t closed it before going to bed, then, as I saw my shirt, I wondered why I hadn’t changed before heading to sleep. Then it hit me! I ran to the kitchen, expecting to find a mess of an oven, and a black mound of beans. When I got there, the element was off, and the beans didn’t look too bad, with just one layer burnt on the bottom (thanks to whoever turned them off). Even though it was 1am, I thought it best that I finish the process of making them before I went to bed and totally forgot about them again. 

So like I said...I made some beans today. 

Unique...

The more I get to know El Paso, the more I realize it is like no other city. As far as language goes, from those I've talked to in the city, it seems like either people are totally bilingual, or they know neither Spanish or English, just a combination of TexMex. As far as culture goes, it is also neither here nor there, just a mix of border culture. Also, unlike other cities of its size, El Paso feels very much like a small town, with its hospitality and helpfulness.
Now there is one thing about El Paso which I am used to: you know how most cities these days have leash laws; the kind that state that all dogs are to be on leash or behind a fence? El Paso has one of those. But in the past couple of days, as I've been walking around the city, I've seen some unique interpretations of that law.
In walking around the city a lot, I've gotten used to the fact that people look down, up, and almost anywhere but in other people's eyes. But the other day, I looked up and saw that whoever, or whatever was headed toward me was staring me down. As this unrecognizable thing got closer, I realized what it was. It was a young man taking his dog for a walk, but, instead of letting his giant growling dog run free, he was carrying his charge, flies, barks, wiggles and all.
Then today, on my way to the library, I saw another sight. Down the road walked two dogs, trailed, presumably, by their owner. This owner had gone as far as to put leashes on his dogs, but had yet to pick them up from where they trailed behind the dogs.

Attitude

Usually when I think of the word attitude my thoughts turn to words like grumpy, happy, sad, and such. But the other day we spent a day of classes talking about attitude and I found out that it is something totally different. When talking about the attitude of a baby in the womb, one talks about the baby's position in relation to its mother.
Now if we take that information and apply it with what I'm starting to memorize in Philippians, that my attitude is to be like that of Christ Jesus, it really changes the meaning. Instead of my continuous striving to be that perfectly pleasant person that I often picture Christ to be, my efforts can now go towards my position in life in comparison to Christ, drawing myself nearer to Him. Like I read recently: "To keep perspective, we are invited to take on the attitude of Christ. The word 'attitude' addresses our position. ...when we choose the attitude of Christ, our lives become firmly grounded. The attitude of Christ both humbles and inspires us" (Erwin Ralphael McManus' Uprising: A Revolution of the Soul; 62).

Catching

Imagine the most beautiful moment you have ever been a part of. The peaceful atmosphere. The joy in your heart. The excitement and anticipation of great things yet to come.  

Why am I talking about this? Well, I caught my first baby today. and it was nothing like that. 

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Being my first birth in which I was expected to have any type of responsibility more than that of watching and writing notes, when the woman came into the clinic, my brain was freaking out. I had no idea what to do or when to do it, but the licensed midwife didn't seem too phased that I was acting as student midwife (I guess the midwives here know that everyone has to start somewhere, so it might as well be under their watchful eyes). So I did what midwives are known for doing: I sat and waited. And, lo and behold, the baby was born almost before my brain could process it, and somehow I was doing the right things at the right time, and, once everyone was settled and mom and baby's vitals were checked, mom and baby and family ended up in a happy little huddle on the bed. So in the end, it was a beautiful moment, filled with the wonder and awe of the children seeing the miracle of birth for the first time, and my hands and heart tingling from having been a part of it. 

Surrender

Having now been helping in births for almost three weeks, I have come to a realization that birth presents us as women with a unique opportunity to grow. As everyone seems to know, the process of labour is painful. And, when I think about it, my normal reaction to pain is to tense up, just like my normal reaction to change in life is to stress or get up in arms. 

Getting back to pain, tensing up usually isn't the worst way to deal with it, but when you look at labour pain, you can only tense up and fight the pain for so. The body can only handle so much stress before it gives up. I've seen it quite a few times where the mother comes to the clinic in terrible pain, fighting the contractions, tensing up for every one, and finally she comes to the point where she realizes that she can't do it. She doesn't have the strength or energy left to continue. She's done for. She wants out. 

The first time I saw a mother get to this point, where she had lost hope of being able to go through with labour, where she was frantic in her exclamations of having failed, I didn't know what to think. Here I had gone to class and heard that our bodies are made to withstand the strain of giving birth, and now I was faced with what looked like the opposite. I looked to the midwife to see what her next action would be, but she didn't seemed to be inclined to do anything. She was just sitting there with a big smile lighting her face as if nothing could be better than hearing that this woman was giving up. 

As oxymoronic as it sounds, it's true. Giving up is what allows us to keep going. In birth it is necessary to surrender to the work that the body is doing, and relax into it, working together with the pain of contractions. It is only after a woman stops fighting the pain that the contractions are able to really finish well the work that they are intended for. In life it is necessary to surrender to the will of God, not to fight the discomforts and hard times, but to work together with God to make something beautiful out of the pain. When we give up, God steps in.

Use Paper

Today I thought I'd go out into the world and get some things done. There was a sale on for oranges (4 lb. for $.99) at the market, I had a couple of things to mail off, and I had just found a hotel card in my computer bag.
Heading out, I stopped first at the hotel. I wasn't sure where I could find a post office open on Saturdays, and I imagined the the hotel workers might have an idea of this. Dropping off the card and chatting a bit with the employees, I found out pretty quickly that they had no idea where a post office was, let alone if it would be open.
Sitting down at the computer there, I was able to find the address of a post office in the area that would be open till early afternoon, so I grabbed the nearest writing utensil and started to jot down the street number on my wrist. One of the employees offered me a piece of paper, which I declined, as I had already finished up and was getting ready to leave. As I put down the permanent marker, stood up from the computer and turned around, I found myself face to face with a tall, well-built older man with skin black as the night. He looked me dead in the eyes and warned me "Missi, nex time, use a piece o' paper, will ya. 'cause if you keep o' writin' on yo self like that, you's a' gonna end up like me!"

One Month!

Without my realizing it, the one month mark has passed. I have officially survived the first month of this 18 month program, and I am really enjoying it! Like with any life-changing decision, I had my doubts about whether or not I was crazy to try to do this, but as of the one month mark, I am loving it! With the 24 hour shifts, the classes, the hours of laundry, the homework, the schedule of appointment after appointment, the faces showing up ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night, the bleaching, bleaching, and more bleaching...with all this, I've been seeing the hand of God in the heartbeat of every baby, in the glimmer of joy in the eyes of a mother who hears her baby's first cry, the breath of fresh air when stepping out to do laundry. I have the best job in the world. I get to be in the room the moment new life is born. I get to see women become mothers, and watch as love gives birth to life. I am privileged. I am blessed.

Garbage

I saw something today that I never expected to see because I didn't even know it existed. I saw what looked like a normal garbage truck coming down the street, slowly but surely. That part was normal. The abnormal part was that I didn't see anyone getting out of the truck to grab the garbage as it went. As it got closer, I finally saw the reason for this: on the side of the truck was a claw that would shoot out and grab each garbage can, chuck the garbage in the truck, and set the container down again before moving on. You city folks who have seen this day in and day out may wonder how I could have made it so far without seeing this, but this is something new to me, and being new, my brain started thinking about it.

In looking at this process of garbage disposal, I realized how impersonal it is, and for garbage disposal I don't think that's a bad thing, but I was brought back to the way I deal with my own mental and emotional junk. When I feel anything messy or uncomfortable, I have this tendency to mentally back away from it, to disengage and try to avoid having to deal with it. But that's not the approach that Jesus took with our human mess. Jesus lived with us and saw our sinfulness. Jesus loved us in our brokenness, loved us enough to not only see the mess we had gotten ourselves into, but also loved us enough to take our blame on himself and experience the consequences for our sins. And he loves us enough to take the mess we have and mold it into something beautiful, like an artist can make a piece of wonder out of a pile of junk. God doesn't run from our garbage, He transforms.

Getting Old

I admit it. It's true.
I'm starting to get old.

I have all the signs and symptoms: the ankles that creak as I stand up; the one gray hair that just keeps growing back; the huffing and puffing that starts as soon as I'm halfway up the stairs (though that may be more a sign of my habit of sitting around in class for weeks at a time). But the biggest sign: my brain just isn't what it used to be. Then again, my brain may never have been what I imagine it to have been in my younger years. I can still remember the frustration of having finally thought of the perfect gift to ask for at Christmas time only to forget it before having the chance to let anyone else know.

So what does getting old have to do with anything? Not much, really. But my memory, or lack of it at times, set me up for a big surprise.

Before moving to Texas, I had been thinking of where I wanted to live, what my ideal conditions would be, who I'd live with; and I had decided that I wanted to live with a middle aged couple who would have enough of a life that I could have the freedom to come and go as I needed without feeling as though they were counting on me. So I asked God to make that happen. Now as I started to look on Craig's list for a place to stay, and as I was in touch with the school, the only options I heard about were with other people my age, or in apartments. When I got down here, the same story presented itself. As I continued to look, I totally forgot my ideal as even just finding a relatively suitable place was enough of a challenge for me, but now, as I take note of where God has put me for the first month of this program, I couldn't have asked for anything better. He answered my prayer to a 'T', and has blessed beyond my expectations. I guess that just goes to show again that He does answer prayers, even when I forget about them :)

Encouragement

Last night was a busy one. Though there were only two births at the clinic, the place was hopping all night with women coming and going (one of the last names last night was Bergen, not a normal name for this part of the country, but a reminder of home). As a new student, I had the opportunity clean, do laundry, watch the older students in their work, and also help with some of the exams and check ups. It felt good to be doing something and to be useful, but by the end of the night I was exhausted despite the joy I had in what I was doing. When I got home and dropped into bed, I turned to the post-it my mom had left me, dated for the day I had worked. Looking back that the past 24 hours, I saw the truth of it, as it said: I give power to the exhausted and I strengthen the weak. ~Isaiah 40:29  It lifted my spirits to be reminded that God was the source of the strength it took to make it through the night.

Thankfulness

I don't have much time to write, but at the very least I can put down some of the things I've been thankful for lately.

-a church! I was finally able to have a Sunday off this week and I was so glad to be able to go to a church and be in fellowship with other God-seekers. Until not going for so long I didn't know how much I really need to keep on meeting with other believers

-a house! I just got news this week that I have a place to move into where I can finally totally unpack. While I have been blessed to be in my current home temporarily in that they introduced me to so many new friends, and I know I now have 'grandparents' here in El Paso, I will be glad to unpack and move in.

-my family! My sister and her wonderful family put together a video for me to see how they are doing :) and I was able to skype with my parents as well, and text my brother. It's so comforting to know that even a couple of thousand miles away I have a family who continues to care about me

-I'm also thankful for a college and career group here...which starts in about 7 minutes, so I need to get going to get there on time. 

Hope you all have something in your lives to be thankful for as well. :) May God bless you.

First 24

Well folks, I survived. I made it through my first 24 hour shift at the clinic. Now it's not as bad as it might sound. For the most part being on shift for 24 hours means that we stay at the clinic, sleep upstairs, and only get up if someone comes pounding on the door in labour. So it's not like they expect us to be awake and fully functioning for 24 hours straight...unless it's a night like this night was. After a day of appointments, question after question in spanish, feeling bellies and getting midwives to confirm my findings, and drawing blood for the first time on a client(!!), the student midwife I was to shadow in case of a birth was taking care of a new mother who was waiting for the imminent arrival of her firstborn son. In light of that, my night was spent bringing water, giving backrubs and pressure, and supporting her in any way possible. This lasted till shortly after 2am, after which her son was born and I was able to learn how to administer postpartum care in the midst of doing all the laundry. That said, my first shift was amazing: getting to learn so much about the workings of the clinic, and then getting to see the beautiful messy miracle of birth! what a day!

Hunting

I went hunting last night. Yes. Hunting. If you think about things, it was inevitable. I’m in Texas…cowboy boots, trucks, gun racks. It was only a matter of time before I would join in and be a part of the culture of the state I reside in.  Now don’t you worry, I haven’t become one of those trigger-happy hunters who kills everything that moves. No, I wasn’t hunting for the joy of it; I was hunting with a purpose: to kill this animal before it killed me. What deadly animal was this, you ask? …A mosquito.

Laugh if you will, but you probably know the feeling all too well: the feeling that comes when you are all cozy in bed, you’re eyes are just drifting shut, and then you hear it; that faint but distinct hum of the mosquito. And, in the quiet blanket of night, if there is one mosquito, there may as well be a hundred.

If you are wondering what about this experience warrants a post, especially since I am from Manitoba where mosquitoes are so abundant that we joke about them being our national bird, the answer is not much. The only thing that made this mosquito any different from the ones I have seen all my life is that it is a Texan mosquito. But I do have a tidbit of information for you that I heard first from my dear mother. Just like in Manitoba, there is West Nile Virus in Texas, but there aren’t very many mosquitoes. Good, right? …Wrong. The fewer mosquitoes there are, the more concentrated the virus becomes and the more deadly it is. So for all of you who are not so fond of the overabundance of mosquitoes in your part of the world, there is a bright side to life with migs. 

Getting back to the mosquito in my room, though I could hear it, I was never able to sight it, so I went to hang out in the kitchen for a while, giving it a chance to move out before I went to bed. Since I didn't see or hear it when I went back to my room, so I assumed it had left me in peace. But this morning, what woke me was not my alarm but a faint humming in my ear...

Thankfulness

I woke up this morning before the sun and was able to see the following view (in better quality and colour) while on my way to school for the day.

Being a Sunday today, I think it appropriate to spend some time being intentionally thankful. So here is a short list of things I am thankful for here in El Paso:

-a home to stay in
     (with a couple that includes me and introduces me to their friends)
-a church family
     (even though I haven't been to the church yet, the members that I have met have been so welcoming)
-a car that works
     (though it was making strange noises in the beginning, they have almost totally stopped)
-my family
     (even though they aren't here, they keep in touch and make sure I'm still alive :). )
-and, you already know this one, but I am really thankful for the sky here. It is amazing.

There you have it. I hope you all have a blessed day.

What am I learning?

Well, it’s my day off!  My accomplishments for this week:

-Prenatal appointment in Spanish

-correctly determining a baby’s position in the belly, and finding its heartbeat!

-successfully drawing someone’s blood!

Though a busy week, as per usual, class did get out early one day, giving me the chance to experience the mountain! I drove up the Scenic Drive, stopped on the side of the road, and started my ascent. Though the path was littered with broken bottles, the sky-scape was phenomenal! One thing the has not ceased to amaze me about El Paso is the sky. Coming from Manitoba, I am used to wide expanses of sky and beautiful sunsets, but of the days I’ve been here in El Paso, the combination of clouds and mountains has been awe-inspiring! The presence of the mountains so close and the accessibility of hiking trails has been an unexpected blessing in the middle of this bustling city, and when you add to that the amazing cloud formations and the touch of breeze floating through the streets, it is wonderful!

Though I don't have a camera, before my parents left I did make use of theirs, and when I saw these clouds, I had to take some pictures, even if just because I thought my brother in law would like to see them :)

What a reminder to me that the heavens do declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the works of His hands! 

School, school, school...

Now that I have attended school for a grand total of four days, I can tell you a bit about it. Just in case you happen to be in El Paso trying to visit me sometime, the school is right here:

And right there is where I will be spending most of my days for the next long time. School started on Saturday, and today, Wednesday is our day off for this week. These past four days have been full of orientation, information, and trying to figure out what the homework is before we have to hand it in. Trying to fit all that information into my brain feels like trying to win a game of Chubby Bunny. This school has found a way to fit a three year course into one year, and they overview that year during the first 17 days of class. Our teachers' job is to take us from zero experience to us being ready to do our first shift at the clinic on September 21. This means that in these first 20 days we are leaning everything from a bit of medical Spanish, to how to measure a belly, to how to draw blood, and how to document information. It's a bit overwhelming, but it allows us to get hands-on experience very quickly, which is what I need in order to really learn all these things they are trying to teach us. 

Though it has been busy, and I have a feeling that will be the story of my life as I study here, I have also been able to connect with some of the other students, and also, thanks to my parents, to meet some of the people from a church here. One of my connections to a fellow classmate was not having a suitable place to live. We had taken time to look on Craig's list, we had walked through the streets by the school calling the numbers of all the 'For Rent' signs, we had asked around, but to no avail. Then (and this is where a church connection comes in) after getting in touch with the young adults leader yesterday at suppertime, I was put in touch with a couple from the church that I am hoping to be a part of. They agreed to take me in for a couple of weeks until the grad students move out and leave their places to us new students. What an answer to prayer!

Did Somebody Say Road Trip?

As promised, here is are some highlights from the road trip that brought me down here to Texas. This is also my first try at a blog with pictures :) We'll see how it goes.

My brother and I left from Canada on a Friday, and before we even got to our place for the night we had hit up one of the best tourist attractions of the world, the worlds largest cow:

As you can tell, this cow is afraid of nothing! It is evident that she has seen her fair share of tumultuous weather, and she faces the storm with a head held high.

The cow was an impressive sight, not even topped by a trip up Enchanted Highway to see one of the world's largest scrap metal sculptures:

Our first night we Mennonited Our Way, meeting a very welcoming and hospitable older couple who had been taking in travelers for longer than I have been alive. They were a sweet couple with many interesting stories to tell about others like us who traveled through their home. It makes me wonder what kind of stories will be told about our time at their place :)

The next day, armed with a map from our hosts and looking for adventure, we met up with this guy and his three buddies at this place called Rushmore:

For the night we made it to my brother's former school in the Colorado mountains. I don't know how my brother's night went, but I got to hang out with some young ladies who are working at the school, and I was encouraged by hearing and sharing what God has been up to in our lives.
Though the chat was heart warming, I spent the night in a room with the window open, and by morning there was no doubt in my mind that we were in the mountains. There was even frost to scrape off the windshield before we went out for this delicious-looking breakfast with my brother's friend at Sharky's:

From there we made quick work of the next stretch to my friends' house where we spent Sunday night. The next morning we made our way into New Mexico, enjoying the entertainment of the dose of daily driving pictures:

and even taking the time to stop at the gorgeous white sands park:

We finally made it to Texas, and after picking up my parents and before taking my brother to the airport, we took one final adventure to the hill in El Paso. It cost a bit of money to hike the trail, so seeing as we didn't have much water or time, and we might be a bit cheap too, we opted for a picture in front of the sign for the trail:

I thank God for safety on our trip down, and I thank my brother for bringing a sense of adventure to such a long trek. What an experience!

Greetings and Salutations

Hey there! 

Welcome to this blog. 

I'm assuming that most of you are here because you know me, and you might be wondering what is going on in my life. Then again you might just be looking up random blog names like I did when I thought about starting a blog. 

For those of you interested in the latest news on my life: I'm starting a blog! :) You may be wondering, why? That is a good question to ask, seeing as I don't yet know if I will have the time to keep up with a blog. I am hoping to be a student here in El Paso for the next year and a half, and my intention in having a blog is to have a place to share some of my experiences here, a place where you can check once in a while to see if I'm still alive, a place that causes me to think about what is going on and to seek to find the positive experiences of life. This may turn into a sort of journal, as many of you friends back home wonder what my day to day life is like, but my hope is that in writing I will be intentional in remembering God's faithfulness to me throughout the weeks of schooling. 

Now, for a bit of an update:

These past couple of days have been busy. After an amazingly arduous yet fantastically fun road trip to Texas with my brave brother (you have to be brave to spend four days on the road, heading south, without using air conditioning), we arrived in El Paso in time to have a quick look around before picking up my parents on Monday evening. Having dropped my brother off at the airport on Wednesday morning, the next couple of days were a blur of shopping for this, looking for that, meeting these fellow students, and having supper with those people. So much has gotten done in the past couple of days, and I have met and been welcomed by so many people, and it is only Friday today. 

Class starts tomorrow. Yes, on Saturday. Yes on a long weekend. And tomorrow sometime I will get the schedule of what my life will be for the next 20 days of orientation. 

Though sometimes overwhelming, these past days I have been reminded to "Trust in the Lord with all [my] heard and lean not on [my] own understanding. In all [my] ways acknowledge Him and He will direct [my] paths." ~Prov 3:5-6

Ps. I hope to post a bit about the road trip in the future, as there are some pretty stellar pictures and stories.